: I'm a broken vessle :

No apologies for not being around here. Life this week has been rough.

It's been a time of searching. Searching for reasons as to why I do what I do, what inspires me to be better
{is it truly God or something else}, where my spiritual walk is at with my Abba Father, searching those deepest parts of my being and feeling exposed.
It's not an easy process, but I know I'm not alone in these times and I know that I want to go through this, it's a rite of passage. It's healthy. It's God being revealed in my life.

I know this. I know it's good.

It doesn't feel good.

To live in freedom; freedom from the clinches of guilt, the stronghold of pride and the depth of condemnation -- wouldn't it be nice if we could just wrap it all up and throw it into the deep blue and not ever feel another wave of it's wrath in our lives? This can be done by leaving it at the cross, for this I am ever thankful. My sins nailed my King to the cross - being unaware that each time I allow the feelings of guilt & pride and thoughts of condemnation come across my minds path that I continue to nail Him to the cross. That thought is unbearable and enough to make me want to dig up the root and throw it away and fill the void with Him.

That is what I'm trying to accomplish, easier said than done.

Life is hard work, every part of it. There is really nothing that comes easy, it may come more naturally for some than others, but everything takes effort.

So because of that no ones road is the same, God created us that way. I would venture to think that God made us this way so He would be able to fill that void. For nothing else can fill that void.

Well, things
can fill that void but we all know that feeling of fullness is just temporary, not eternal - doesn't stop us from being human and letting that temporary fix enter into our lives. It feels easier at the time, and most of the time feels right. It's not. It's in times like this of soul searching and an internal Spring cleaning that it would have been better to just fill that void with God.

But that's in the past and I can't change the past. I can only change what I choose to do with this void now and in the future.

|Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does|1Peter 5:8-11|The Message|

I know this seems like a rather h e a v y post for a Saturday...frankly I've been working on this post in my head for the past 4 days or so. Sometimes the connecting point in my dreary dish washing day dreaming comes at the most random times, like a Saturday morning listening to the rain come down and the smell off fresh coffee and cinnamon buns.

Maybe it's because the demands of daily life isn't at my heels - I don't know. The post came together this morning so I've taken the time to break from the daily washing and chores to pray about what I'm r e a l l y feeling.

Be still, take time, pull the weeds in my life. BE STILL.



Crystal said...

You are not alone..

susan said...

Shawna, sounds like we could have used a coffee last week!! Sorry friend, I should have made time for it.

I have a verse for you - I may have shared it before but it is one of my favourites...
Exodus...(oh yah baby, the OLD Testament!!) Where was I?? :-)

Ex 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Wonderful post my friend - thank you for being so open.


Anonymous said...

I just came looking for your pasca recipe... Didn't think I'd be brought to tears & challanged on something I am fighting through myself at the moment. Thank you for sharing you heart. It spoke to me. Need to go re-read & absorb fully. Maybe in a closet somewhere... lol... Lovelove. xxChrista

Anonymous said...

Shawna! Love this post! *tears* So real, raw and open. These times and seasons WE ALL have in our lives are NOT FUN at all. Not meant to be. Growing hurts and pulling weeds out is excruciating at time BUT " BE still and know I'm GOD"...be still...(FAV verse ever)
BE STILL is mentioned in the bible MANY times and for a reason!

Hold on Gods anchor for your soul TIGHT! He won't bring you through this season without something GLORIOUS just around the corner. Love LOVE
<3 JEn

Joanne said...

We are all a work in progress....thanks for sharing some of your construction zone with us.
I thank my God with every remembrance of you.

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